Saturday was “cleaning day” around the house. And true to my form, I took some time to do some writing while my beautiful wife busied herself with chores. Not that I don’t help mind you. I was already in the mode when she decided to clean. And when she sets her mind to something – watch out. So as Shinedown was blasting in the background she was flitting around the house, cleaning and putting things away. That was when I heard a shrill sound coming from the other room.

I stopped mid-sentence to see what the hell was going on.

Maybe a little back story is in order before I go into what had happened. We have recently purchased our first house. Yay us! Along with a new house comes new “things”. One of these things is a new vacuum … you know, one with all the bells and whistles and attachments … and this particular one might have been used a time or two. Nothing that would give it cause to break down already. Right?

As I walk into the living room, I hear this brand new vacuum making the worst noise I had ever heard. It was like … well … it is hard to describe it without referring to a bird and my hands around said birds neck. But that would be terrible. So suffice it to say it was terrible.

Upon inspecting the underside, you know, the part that has a brush thingy (it’s a word, look it up) I noticed a lot of thin strands of black hair. These strands were wrapped around the revolving brush thingy, causing it to jam up and make the mechanism inside scream in protest.

I will also take this opportunity to say that nobody, not myself, my son, nor any of the felines in our house have long black hair. That finger can be pointed to the wife. She is the one that should be bald but isn’t. Let me finish the intro and I will explain.

I grabbed as much of the hair I could pull out. We both did. To say it was a bunch would be an understatement. Then I asked her to fire it up again to see if the damn thing still was yelling about something. It did not. Problem solved. Case closed. The day was won. Until the next time, I am sure.

So here is the point: How in the hell is she not bald??

There was hair in the vacuum, hair in the sink, on the floor, in the shower drain (Ew), in the car, on the carpet, the couch, outside on the patio, on my shirt as I am writing this. I think you get the picture: IT IS EVERYWHERE.

It’s kind of like having this guy running around the house:

I am a researcher by nature. But this is one thing I have yet to look up. I cannot fathom how someone loses so much hair but is not bald. It baffles the mind. I am sure there is some scientific explanation. Some easy answer even. Who knows. But for the life of me, I look at her every day I wonder why she doesn’t resemble Mr. Clean.

As you may have guessed, there are serious and not-so posts here. I am in no way complaining about the hair around the house. I have learned to live with it. I just wanted to make you laugh.


2 thoughts on “My Wife Should Be Bald…

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